boy trouble?

Life is getting tougher and tougher with each year of my life. I just turned 17 two days ago, and since then things automatically suck. I mean sure, its cool that when guys ask how old I am, I can say17, instead of 16, which sounds so young to me. Anyways, the greg thing.. yeah relationships are harder than i even know, which is really lame. Its like really hard to trust him when he doesn't give me straight answers and isn't ever serious. But now I'm thinking that since this is just a silly high school relationship and I shouldnt worry about him at all, I should just not give a shit, and enjoy the fact that I'm with someone who I can be happy with. And then I have the contradicting factor of me not being happy with him sometimes.
I also have this close guy friend that I've been falling for, fer like everr. My sister thinks he likes me because she believes she has "the power to see auras" and she says that whenever im with him and I talk about greg, he gets a jealous aura lol. But idk I'd like to go out with my guy friend but I still dont believe he likes me.
When i started the "Never Date Kate" Blog.. my veiws on having a boyfriend were simple, just don't date, and don't suffer. I should have sticked to it, but like I really fell for greg and now I have this problem.
Has anyone ever done any drugs? Well I've experimented, not with anything scary or serious, but something that like millions of people in america do, and it's made me think so much more than I already do, and it scares me sometimes because I think way too deeply into things. And its changing the way I think of this and remember them. I promise its not acid, shrooms, cocaine, crack, heroine, meth or anything like that. But like I was doing so well when I stopped smoking and now I got back into it, and I'm kind of addicted again, I've been like wasted the past 4 days, it's exausting and I'm worried that I'm self medicating kind of like what my mother does with alcohol.
Anyones parents ever get divorced? Yep, along with my boyfriend being weird/having relationship problems, dealing with addictions, getting my phone taken away and being jobless, my parents are getting a divorce. COOL. Like I have no idea where I'm going to live when they split, and I hope I can get into college and apprentice for a tattoo artist. But you know, life doesn't always work out the way you want, which is reality and I need to realize that, but work my ass off to make my life way worth living.
Sorry this was just a lame entry, but I felt the need to vent, and maybe get some good feedback from people, something different than the stuff my friends tell me.

"I want to help people" ~Patch Adams

Kat Von D. such an inspiration to me.
Watching L.A. Ink right now, just amazed at the work she does. And Corey Miller is absolutely amazing as well. I really hope to get some tattoos done by them. I aspire to be a great tattoo artist too, as good as them, its a stretch but i know that if i work at it, it could happen.
I wish I could interview her and ask how she became so amazing. Its really unfortunate that she doesnt allow apprenticeships at her shop though. Not like I'd get in at 17 years old. Speaking of which, its my birthday next month, on the 11th. Then I'll be 17. I cant wait. Three things I want for my birthday: 1. a car 2. a tattoo gun/kit 3. a trip to the beach
that's literally all I want. Regrettably, I'm not getting any of those. Although, my friend Fallon wants her and I to go on a "road trip" to Myrtle Beach. That would be sooo amazing because I haven't been there in like 8 or 9 years, maybe more. I miss it there.
Anywho. Tomorrow/today/tonight I'm going to see Reel Big Fish for free! I might be able to meet them but I'm not sure if I can yet. You see, my dads best friends brother-in-law owns this club/venue that alot of people play at, and I saw Hanson, and Chiodos there before, and Kate Vogele. I met all of them, it was really cool, well, I spoke to ther guys in Hanson, but we didn't "meet". I wish.
Anyways, Patch Adams is on, and its 2:30am so I'm gonna have to go ;]

oh my gosh.

check out how megan fox looked when she was in grade school...
hahaha thats really funny. but its almost inspirational, like, i could possibly become attractive eventually lol. I'm so incredibly jealous of her, she is so gorgeous and isnt the best actress but her good looks have gotten her to where she wants to be. I like the fact that shes becoming the "new angelina jolie" i think its great, angelina needs to chill out. shes beginning to resemble joan crawford, shes just losing it. And dont even get me started on kristen stewart and robert pattinson. Theyre adorable together and theyre becoming the new brangelina, fer sure.
I totally just realized the other day like, it is so much better to gossip about celebrities rather than people I know. It doesnt hurt anyone, cause theyll never know what I say, and I can say whatever I want. The only downfall is, I sound stupid because I dont know the celebrities personally or anything. I like to feel like I do, my friends think I'm weird for how into movies I get and how I talk about the actors in the movie, I feel like I can tell alot from the people just from body language and the ways they talk at red carpet things and in candid pictures. maybe its just a weird thing I have, but inside, theyre all people just like you and me.. obviously.
I knew it, I'm becoming addicted to blogging. about just dumb things too, like movies and celebrities and stuff. but i dont know.
its almost 1:30 am and i want so badly to be carrie bradshaw, typing up some eloquently written story up in her classy apartment, about some crazy romantic encounter she just had with a gorgeous but quirky guy, or a night out with the girls. Or i wish to be like Samantha, i wish i could be in one of her scandalous relationships right now haha, i dont really want to be like charlotte, and especially not like miranda because shes a total bitch and never does anything right. sex and the city is definitly one of the best shows ever on television.
maybe the only reason i want to start a blog is to get noticed. or to be able to sit up at 2 am writing and thinking that some girl my age in california living the life i want to live, or some guy in boston is reading this thinking, wow that girl thinks about the same things i do, or anything like that, just giving meaning, or showing other people, they arent the only ones, thats what i feel like i need to do.

"Hung"

new favorite show, "hung" is about an attractive middle aged guy [played by Thomas Jane] who is a former high school sports legend turned middle-aged high school basketball coach that finds a way to benefit from his biggest asset... his dick.
just my kind of show ;] so far its great, kind of sad but in a funny way. and looking at a sexy guy for 45 minutes is totally one of my favorite pass times hah. but now i'm left wondering if he really is "physically gifted" in real life lol. omg they almost just showed it. dammit. ugh the woman he slept with is so ugly. shes funny though.
so last night we had a party for the fourth of july, and it was pretty great, i got messed up like twice, and when i was.. i had no idea what i was saying or doing, and my best guy friend, seth, was over and i kind of told him im jealous of the girl he likes, it was awkward but the rest of the night turned out good. then this morning my dad comes in and says "now i want you to go downstairs and take all the beer bottles that you and your friends drank out of the garbage can and put them out in the recycling. and you wont get to use the car for the rest of the summer." when he said that i basically pissed myself. immediately i was like "it wasnt me! it was maddie! n her friends" [maddie is my 15 year old sister] and once she fessed up to it, he didnt do a damn thing to her, he didnt punish her or anything, and he was going to take the car away from me for the summer. its rediculous.
so i have this huge problem of my parents treating me way different than my sister, like they are more leaniant [idk how to spell it] with her rather than me. they think im such a badass when in reality shes worse than i am. they only think that because i tell them everything i do, and i trust them to trust me because i dont usually lie, but now they just use all of it against me, and my sister doesnt tell them anything and shes way worse than me, its just like i dont know what to do, whenever i tell them theyre being unfair they call me selfish and rediculous. anyways, if anyone knows what im going through or has advice, help me out pleasee :]

Well this was a Bust

the "never date kate" blog was supposed to be about my scandalous [or not so scandalous] single life, and that was pretty much a bust. I have a boyfriend now hah, I didn't think I would this quickly but I do. His name is Greg, we've been friends for like 3 years, and he asked me out a while ago, but like I've said before, I'm petrified of relationships because I can't handle getting rejected. But suprisingly, being in a relationship is easy. I should knock on wood now.
We've only been going out for like a week, and I think it's probably going to last because we're both laid back and don't feel a need for a dramatic teenage relationship. He actually looks a little mad in that picture. It's a terrible picture of him, but I'm gonna put more up of us eventually. He's really sweet and I'm pretty sure he really cares about me. Which is always good hah.
I used to hate when my friend Sam would always be texting her boyfriend or calling him when she was with me, but now I totally see her side. it's like really hard not to text him, or hang out with him and stuff. And I'm afraid I'm gonna become one of those people that ditches their friends for their boyfriend, and that will make me such a huge hypocrite. As if I'm not one already.

Boys

I figured, its 12:19am, I only have to take two finals for english and world studies tomorrow that i know absolutely Nothing about, so why not start a blog.
I have no clue what i'm doing Conforming with the rest of the "social unrest" by writing one of these things, but my best Friend ryan and i think we might just get famous off of a blog. wow, i almost wrote "blong" that could have taken a turn. Anywho. Im thinking the whole point of this is kind of strange. Obviously my friend and i are very optimistic people. [sometimes]
So the Title says "Boys", and i know you people [if anyone] out there is reading this, are like, "dude, when the eff is she gonna start talkin about boys, i like/hate boys, lets hear about boys!" well, you people out there in 'blog-land'.. calm the eff down. :] i will talk about those redickulous creatures in a minute, but first im gonna have to say i have heart burn. Not the kind you get from food-- as far as im concerned.. No, the kind that you get from guys. [[i need a man that looks like that^^]]
Im gonna sound like a whiney bitchy chick to alot of people that have been genuinely hurt out there, but i really dont give a shit. :] and now just sound like a trashy whore. anyWho. ughh..
Boys, "cant live with them, and you cant live with em". yep thats what they say.
I want some answers, some answers to why guys dont care about alot man, ya know? theres so much that guys dont care about. And when they do care, they can get creepy. This guy i knew that i [thank jesus] did not date, but almost did, was a total and complete freak. He knew me, [not even deeply/emotionally] for about 5 weeks, and then he started saying weird shit like i love you.. uhhh.... yeahhh. NO. and he was basically really great, not terrific looking but buff and tall and liked to touch and hug and kiss and the whole pda shit and he was such a feminine guy and he liked alot of the same things i liked, and basically- god answered my prayers with this guy. and when i figured he was too good to be true, i pushed him away, no one understood it, not even me, but i guess what women want, is always what they cant have right? someone back me up on this. but why is it that love or like has to be so god damn complicated? i mean, cant it be beautiful the way its written to be in so many love stories, like the notebook, romeo and juliet, even in macbeth, macbeth loved his wifey til they both went a little crazy. at one point in time love must have been the way everyone wanted it to be. and for two people to love eachother would they have to be equal?
My friends keep telling me, "stop looking for a boyfriend and he'll come to you," the thing im thinking is how can i not look for Something i long for soo much. Im so pathetic and i love "love" lol. im such a sap and an emotional person, and ill do anything to find the guy im supposed to be with, i mean, i would "go to the ends of the earth" to find that perfect guy. I guess another point would be that i cant be so picky.
The reason i call my blog "Never Date Kate" is because i never have dates lol. and its pretty much by choice. There are like 3 guys right now that said they would date me, or at the very least hook up with me, so im not one of those girls just crying about how pathetic and ugly she is that she cant get a date [although if you ask any of my friends i do that] Its just like, ive only ever looked at the really selfish side of dating- i figure, its my life, i can do what i want, and if im single i wont have to worry about drama or someone else, and i can be on my own, no one telling me what to do or whatever. I never saw the other hand, the fact that it would be a really lonely life that way, no one to share it with, no one to always be there to support and love and to have support and love me, at least not fully. And i figure, what the hells the point of high school relationships, you break up when you go to college anyways, and alot of relationships end in total dissappointment. i figured i was protecting myself, until my cousin told me that the point of high school relationships and everything leading up to college/ career/ life relationships, is all about experience, youre in them to find out what you want your man to be like, and what kind of relationship you want.
Being single is about figuring out who you are, and i think because im not sure who i am yet, and im not totally confident and where i need to be at just yet, that i need to be single. But i really want a boyfriend.
im really confused. Until next time..